Aaka used to be that girl; always glowing with ideas, juggling her side hustle, planning events, staying booked and busy. You couldn’t be around her and not feel inspired. She wasn’t just smart; she commanded presence. Then she got into a relationship.
At first, we were happy for her. The way she talked about him, you could tell she was in love. But slowly, things began to change. She stopped taking work calls on time. Her business page on Instagram went quiet. Deadlines slipped. She cancelled plans. Everything became, “Let me check with him first,” or “He doesn’t really like when I…”
She was still around, but was that a version of her we knew? Was she fading? We started wondering.
When the relationship ended a year later, we realised she didn’t just lose the guy; she lost momentum, clients, and herself, unaware of where to begin picking up the pieces she didn’t know were peeling away.
Amaka’s story isn’t unique. It’s painfully familiar. Many women disappear from their own lives the moment love enters. We pour so much into the relationship that we stop watering everything else. Our friendships, goals, and personal growth all seem to disappear into the new relationship.
Here’s the twist: it’s not just when things go wrong that we lose ourselves; sometimes, it’s when everything is going too well. The romance feels so sweet, and the attention is so consuming that you forget about your own dreams outside of this person. You stop prioritising your work, slow down on your routines, and before long, you might not even recognise the person you were becoming.
We’re emotional beings. It’s our strength, but it can also become our trap. The real danger is when your entire sense of direction is tied to how the relationship is going, when you’re productive only when things are smooth, and completely scattered when emotions get messy.
But your life cannot keep rising and falling on the mood of your relationship. Love is beautiful, but it should never be the reason you disappear from your own story. You can be in love and stay focused. You can be a wife and chase your goals. You can have butterflies in your stomach and still keep your feet on the ground. Love should add to you, not swallow you.
If you find yourself gradually withdrawing from things that matter to you, take a moment to pause and reflect. Remember, you were a complete person before they entered your life, and you will remain one even if they leave. Don’t lose your sense of self in the name of love. You can fall in love, but be careful not to drift away from your values and the life you’ve built.
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Featured Image by Kindel Media for Pexels
